Subliminal Chaos
Every Silver Lining Has a Dark Cloud Covering It


I’m hurt, really hurt. The one thing I was hoping would not happen, the one thing I actually believed wouldn’t happen, happened. And it happened in a way and at a time I least expected way.

RK, someone I’ve talked about here, a person I stuck through thick and thin, someone I always went out of the way and helped, just really hurt me.

We bonded, over a girl, a girl who was our classmate and my friend. She didn’t get along well with him. I did everything in my power to make things right but there were many underlying problems which didn’t help make the situation better.

Then, we bonded again, over another girl. A girl who he had liked for over 6 years. He called me when things went right with her, he called me when things went wrong, even if we were both in different countries, I got that call. Two days back he tells me its over, there’s someone else in her life. No details, nothing, and I didn’t ask. I don’t ask, that’s not how I work. I tell him if he wants to talk I’m there. He say, “thanks but no, this is over and I just want to share it with you and finish it off”. I say okay.

Today, out of nothing better to do, I was going through Yahoo! Messenger archive, read through a few old conversations. Things had changed, a lot, over the past year. We used to talk everyday, talk about so many things. I used to love those long phone calls, mostly he talked and I listened, but I still enjoyed every minute of it.

Things have changed. Now we hardly talk. Conversations are formal. Last night a bunch of us friends met up. He didn’t spend a lot of time with us, at a later time a saw him talking to this new girl, someone we’ve all known hardly for a month. I didn’t think too much of it, he’s the kind who can make conversation with anyone. He was just being himself. Today I met my friend, the girl he liked at one point of time, the one who hardly spoke to him (lets call her AM). She tells me something, calls it shocking news. RK has a crush on SB. She found out through her sister who is friends with he girl he was talking to last night. He had specifically told her not to tell any of them, because then it would reach me. Me? ME!!!

Its funny how things have changed now. AM, the very girl who didn’t talk to him a year back, is the one who’s havin long conversations with him, not me. I guess my role is over. He needed me for something, something I couldn’t help him with, and now he doesn’t need me anymore. It over. Just like that. He’s the same guy who told me, ” I know you’ve been hurt before by friends, don’t worry, I’ll never do that to you, never”. And he went and did just that.

A replacement, that’s what I’ve been to soo many people. Someone they can count on when other turn their back on them, thats what I’ve been for them. Someone who’ll listen, share their joys and sadness. I’ve been that and much more to people. But only for a short while. A temporary replacement, if that even makes sense, is what I am.

I am hurt, yet again.

5 Responses to “Hurt…”

  1. I felt such grief reading your words. I’m so sorry for the pain you’re in right now. This is something I know well. I did a post awhile back, titled…Heartache At The Hands of The “Church”. That will give you a glimpse of what I’m referring.

    All I know is that right now, you’re in pain. I’m certain there are more folks that care about you than you may realize. Taking the time (as you did) to write about what you’re going through…sharing yourself like this…will cause many to care. I know…as I am one of them.

    Kindest Regards,


  2. hope u feel better soon … its ruff when friends dont do the things we expect

  3. I’m sorry that RK, a supposed friend, hurt you. But from what I read, I found that he was a coward, a coward for ending your friendship just like that without a word, a coward for backstabbing you, and a coward for letting go someone who actually cared about him.

    I hope you’ll feel better soon.

  4. @everyone
    i will be writting a post soon about how things turned out since the time i wrote this post.
    thanks for comments and welcome to my blog :)

    @ wikipediot
    thanks a lot for a comment. I was not expecting any on this post.
    i am feeling much better. though its not easy since i have to face all these people everyday, but i’m learing to deal with it.
    thanks once again :)

    i am feeling better, thanks for asking :)
    i agree with you, it is rough when friends dont do things we expect.

    thanks for your comment :)
    i wasn’t expecting any comments on this post , like i said ealier, this itself makes me feel a whole lot better :)
    its good to know there are still people who care out there ….

  5. […] the period during which I was most active on this blog. All I could think of doing was post, vent, reach out to people, seek advice, update and document every detail […]

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