Subliminal Chaos
Every Silver Lining Has a Dark Cloud Covering It

I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to stop talking about this.

I think PI was a mistake, I’m left lost again.

AM called me aside in college today, wanted to talk to me. She asked me what was wrong, why I wasn’t talkin to her properly and that she knew me well and things had changed. I said nothing had changed, and I was talking to everyone properly. I was lying to her face and both of us knew it. She again went on to ask what th problem was and if I had any problem with her, I said no, and that I’m talkin to everyone and being as normal as normal can get and also asked her not to expect anything more from me.

That was the end of that. She went back to what she was doing, made a conscious effort not to be around me the whole day. I went on to feeling miserable and as I have been doing for he past two weeks, left early yet again.

So far my parents have not noticed the change, or maybe they have but havent thought too much into it. My parents knew I was close to RK and AM. I used to talk to AM everyday after college, atleast once, sometimes more than that. I havent spoken to her on the phone in a while. I haven’t been going out anywhere for the past couple of weeks. Pretty soon questions will be directed at me and then, I wouldn’t know what to say.

It bothers me that not even once has RK asked me what happened, not even once. After everything we have been through, not even once has he seriously come and asked me what is wrong. He has asked, in passing, when 10 other people are around us. But thats about it.

I’m doing my Masters for god’s sake. All this feels so petty and childish, but it is affecting me so much. I’m lost yet again, with no one to rely on.

4 Responses to “…”

  1. You need to rely on urself and realise that people are people. Sometimes things will go as planned but not always. And when they don’t u have to learn to bounce back. Friends are nice to have but even though they are our friends they live their own lives and sometimes ind doing what’s best for them, they inadvertently hurt us.

    Maybe u should talk to ur friends and let them know how u feel about what’s happening. They may not even have noticed.

  2. I would like to talk to them, really. But with RK this has happened one to many times. I have cleared out things with him many times. He listens, sympathizes and next thing I kknow I’m the butt of all jokes. Very thing I’ve ever told him has been used against me at one point of time or the other, either intentionally or just for laughs.

    With AM, things may be different, but I know one thing, whatever i tell her, will reach RK eventually and its gonna be the same thing again.

    Im not ready to let people know that i’m this vulnerable. I dont want people to feel sorry for me and do things just to please me. It will only be temporary. Chances are, this will happen again.

    Anyways, thanks uncensoredmind. :)

  3. I know how u feel. I guess the best thing u can do is take care of urself. People will disappoint u when u least expect it and when you need them the most. But uve got to know what you like or don’t like and let them know it. So u will know u tried but they werent willing to make the effort to meet u half way. Friendship involves compromise and consideration, and if don’t want to give it to you then u have to do what’s best for you.

    Be strong. You’ll be fine.

  4. […] I was most active on this blog. All I could think of doing was post, vent, reach out to people,┬áseek advice, update and document every detail […]

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