Subliminal Chaos
Every Silver Lining Has a Dark Cloud Covering It


I’m feeling so low, so empty, it’s killing me.

I thought things would get better, things would change, but they haven’t.

I don’t know what I’m looking for anymore. I don’t know what I want. I am at yet another crossroad in my life. On one hand, I really want to stay back, stay here and live the life that I’ve always wanted to. On the other hand, I wanna go back, get a job, earn a decent amount, and support my family in some way or the other. Not that they expect me to do that, or really want me to. But, I want to. I feel I need to. It only makes sense. I’ve literally splurged with every bit of my dad’s hard earned money, it only seems right to do this right now.

Thing’s seem to have changed here, or maybe its just me. I keep expecting a lot when I come here. But…I don’t know, I guess its just me. To make things worse, I really miss PI. He was the second person I spoke to, after BFF Ri that is. He was at the movies. We spoke for less than a minute. He had said he would call me later. That never happened. Four days have passed, and I haven’t heard from him even once. Its the weekend, he must be busy, with his friends, girlfriend, other things that are obviously more important. But its killing me. I’m so used to hearind my phone ringing, playing “Iris” by Goo Goo Dolls, often when I’m here that, when it doesnt happen, I feel so lost. Like I have no purpose anymore, like I have nothing to look forward to…..

I’ve been reading the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer lately. I fell in LOVE with the movie. Had to get the books. Started reading the first one last night, now I’ve reached the second book – New Moon. I think I may just finish all four of them in four days flat. Read these books have pulled me down so much that my mom’s started noticing it. Not a good sign, but I just have to finish them.

The thought of not having anything to do after I finish these books is scaring me.

Time alone, time to think, has never done me any good…

One Response to “Sigh…”

  1. Look outward, there are so many people out there that can use your help. Find a way for your talents to express themselves.

    Best wishes.

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